When you witness relationships as energy, everything changes…

Let's talk about your deepest relationships; with your wife, your husband, your partner your significant other.

And the fact that when we move into a new relationship, and even before we get into that relationship, the intention is to find a partner and to 'be' in a relationship with somebody. Integrated and happy.

You know, it's like, going to 'get' something… like deliberately going to get the groceries from the market.

Not that I'm comparing relationships to buying groceries but stick with me here.

And so, inevitably, as we 'get' that thing, it will be created with a certain expectation around the impact it will have on your life, how you will both help shape it and how you will both show up.

You create these relationships based on wants, needs and your desires so you have these ideals and expectations list. The person that best fits the expectation list comes along and they've ticked the box, and that's perfect.

But then niggles, frustrations and life's challenges arise and the other person may not be living up to the lifestyle and standard of loving you thought.

Feeling tired and emotional, you're left scratching your head wondering where the trouble actually started, who started it and what went wrong.

Ever been there, too?

Now, I have a tip for you to practice...

What is helpful is to step back and take a non-judgemental, loving, and non-personal viewpoint. And see relationships, simply as 'energy'.

And with energy, energy is always moving, it's always shifting and flowing, it never, ever stops. And so when we come back to relationship and take this energetic, neutral view, it's understandable that no person is the same person from moment to moment, and therefore change is inevitable and flexibility is the word..

No matter how much pressure is put onto self, onto a situation or towards trying to control a person to stay in a particular, rigid place, time and behaviour, it's impossible.

No matter how awful things may feel right now, no part of that will ever feel good.

What tends to happen is that whenever there's some disruption in the relationship, we know it feels very physically mentally and emotionally uncomfortable. You want life back the way it used to be, along with your past created version of them with it. To come back from feeling hurt to feeling secure and safe.

And ask questions like, "well, why can't it be like it was before?". "Why can't we get back to how it was when we first met?".

Yet, when you are able to see things from an energetic perspective instead of seeing the human (partner) and the object (relationship) , you'll witness that by actually practicing non-attachment to the person, the expectation, the belief around what the relationship should look like, and the belief around what the person should be like and how they should show up. You then allow the relationship to breathe into a new way of being.

Ultimately, being in a healthy relationship depends on the lens with which you see it through and the level of self-ownership and involvement you are prepared to accept. Wholeheartedly embodying the reality that life shifts and ALL people in the relationship shift, because energy shifts.

Observing the relationship as fluid, constantly flowing will positively affect the quality of the relationship. Allowing deep acceptance of each other and of self, means you'll lose the tightness, the feeling of needing to hang on and you'll wind up with a happier relationship that ebbs and flows with life and comes more from a place of love, compassion and acceptance of other.

There's your new start point, your new point of reference and an opportunity for re-birth. Infinite.

So, if you're ready to practise non-attachment to anyone or anything, through firstly being aware that you are clinging on to it and then letting go (easier said than done), I've got TWO daily practices that I believe will help you to expand and evolve past the current state of play.

Meditation is simply sitting quietly and paying attention to your breath, your body, or what’s around you right now. What you’ll find is your mind wants to run away with analysis and to-do's, worries and recalling memories instead of being in the present moment. In meditation, you practice letting go of these by witnessing the mind chatter and then letting go, keeping returning to the present moment. As this happens time and time again, you'll begin to get good at it, like muscle memory. You learn that whatever you were attached to is simply a story, a thought pattern. It can simply be carried away on cloud in the breeze.

Great guided meditations are ten-a-plenty online (and this one I made, HERE), so park your bottom on a cushion, on the floor or on a comfortable chair. Stop, take a breath and listen.

Gratitude is offering love and appreciation for EVERYTHING that is being presented to you in life. Being grateful for the small daily things like the sun rising, is just as important as the big, major things like experiencing the technicolour of any partnership, moving to your dream house and having great health. Gratitude transforms you from being stuck in your attachment, to resting in your warm heart, melting away the attachment and naturally easing it. You become much bigger than your story, when you have appreciation for all that is. You connect to something much more expansive than yourself and appreciate the connected-ness of everything. Suddenly, things become less important when you connect with life in this way.

For the next 30 days, dedicate a journal or workbook to ‘Gratitude’ and within it, write 3 things you appreciate, things you are thankful for. Pop it on your bedside table and write them first thing when you wake up and 3 more when you hop into bed at night.

And my 3rd tip?

Just start!

Sam x

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